A cup of tea. A shared laugh. A familiar face who listens to a story they’ve heard a dozen times before.
For many older New Zealanders, these seemingly small moments are anything but small – they can be the difference between a day spent feeling connected and one spent feeling completely alone.
For a growing number of older people, loneliness is something they feel daily.
The latest research from Age Concern found 59 percent of New Zealanders aged 65 and over had recently experienced loneliness, with almost one in three (30 percent) saying they felt lonely a lot or all the time.
Loneliness is more than simply feeling sad or having no one to talk to. Prolonged social isolation is associated with serious health consequences, including depression, cognitive decline, and more frequent hospitalisations.
Alden’s Rosedale Retirement Village in Albany, Auckland, is tackling this issue in a practical way, with a role that is unusual in the retirement sector.
The Village started trialling Meaningful Moment Assistants (MMAs) in June last year. The role has been so successful, and the MMAs have become known as the “Unicorns of Rosedale” within the village. They are there to notice the resident, not just the routine. They are the familiar face who pops in for a chat, the person who notices when someone hasn’t left their room that day, or who takes the time to discover what makes each individual tick.
That can be particularly important for adult children of older people, many of whom worry that their mum or dad might quietly retreat into their room as they adjust to life in a retirement village or care home. It’s a horrible feeling.
The Unicorns notice the small things – who might need a little encouragement, who loves a particular activity, who has an interest that could be brought back into their daily life, or who might simply benefit from some company.
Ninety-two-year-old Mary Howard was a case in point.
When Mary first came to Rosedale, she was very uncertain and scared, said Activities Coordinator Jolene Chidrawi, who works closely with the Unicorns.
“Before moving into the village, she relied heavily on her son and daughter-in-law for reassurance, and so moving into a completely new environment was a huge adjustment for her.
“In the beginning, she hardly ever came out of her room and still looked to her son and daughter-in-law for reassurance with almost everything.
“The Unicorns spent lots of time with her, simply sitting and chatting and slowly getting to know her, without putting any pressure on her. We learnt the little things that made her feel comfortable. Those small things helped us build her trust and show her that she had people here she could rely on.”
Slowly, Mary began to come out of her shell. She now joins bus outings, enjoys pet therapy, and takes part in visits from the local kindy children.
“It has been so lovely watching her confidence grow. Moving into Rosedale has also taken a lot of pressure off her son and daughter-in-law, knowing that Mary has people around her who know her, understand her, and can give her that reassurance throughout the day.”
For residents, having something to look forward to each day can make a significant difference – whether it is a planned activity or simply a familiar face stopping by for a conversation.
This is particularly important for people who spend more time in their rooms, are less mobile or are simply more comfortable in their own space. The Unicorns walk through the village and hospital areas, checking in with residents and looking for opportunities to create connection, while recognising that sometimes the most meaningful moments happen quietly in someone's room.
They take the time to learn about each person – their history, interests, personality, hobbies, family, and the things that make them happy.
Activities can be simple - reading the newspaper together, listening to music, playing games, exercising, doing crafts, going for walks, sharing morning tea, enjoying an ice cream afternoon, or taking part in bingo and themed events. Where people have similar interests and personalities, the Unicorns, who come from all walks of life, can help create opportunities for friendships to develop.
Loneliness and social isolation can happen even when someone is surrounded by people.
Small moments can make a big difference. Community doesn't just happen around people. It is something created together, one conversation, one friendship and one moment at a time.
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